It's been nearly 6 days since my body has decided it no longer wants to sleep.
Let me preface this by saying that before this incident, sleeping was like my superpower. I could fall asleep anywhere, anytime, no loss in sleep quality. As strange as it sounds, my ability to sleep was closer to what I considered my identity than my day job.
Cue last Saturday, when I went to hang out with some friends to watch a movie and have dinner. I come back completely refreshed. I had plans!! I was going to look up some good stock investments, check out the local gym, contact some people for splitting bougie-ass Bay Club membership, the list goes on.
And everything fell through because I just couldn't sleep. The feeling of sinking of half-consciousness never came. I was also sweating under the blankets, which is insane considering how cold the weather is. In retrospect, a few weeks ago I had to share a bed with my mom when the family came to visit. I kept shrugging off the second layer of blanket on me, and she kept putting it back on. I woke every couple hours from feeling too hot. I ended up getting a killer headache from that. Maybe this foreshadowed what would happen this week.
Absolutely nothing about my environment could have triggered this. No stress, no alcohol, no sex, no drugs. So it's probably physiological, even though I had a blood test just two months ago and everything came back normal.
The most insulting part of all this are all the posts online about people getting sudden insomnia with no prior reason. The biggest tip was to "accept" that sleep isn't going to have and just go with the flow because worrying about it makes sleep come even harder. Why is this insulting? This is like the depression equivalent of people going "have you considered not being sad" and being unironically correct.
The doctor at Kaiser is also not helpful. I sent a message but the response reeks of "have you tried yoga" energy and despite my saying it's not environmental, linking me to the Kaiser page that are all full of environmental recommendations. I get the impression that sending messages to doctors is useless because they can just dismiss it and drag on a useless exchange for days. I don't have fucking days to deal with this. I missed almost the entire week of work because I'm perpetually sleep deprived.
An in person appointment is the only way to get doctors to take insomnia seriously. When I first checked Kaiser, the earliest appointment was 5 days away. But after much camping, I found a cancellation and rescheduled the slot to tomorrow. I am not fucking leaving the doctor's office until I get satisfactory tests ordered with a plan. I don't even know if it's safe for me to make the 10 minute drive.
I can accept anything being wrong with my body, but not sleep. Sleep problems are the one thing that can't be explained by "life sucks." There is absolutely something else wrong with me.